the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
