Who did Billy Mays play for?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
