For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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