And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
