I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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