I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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