you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
