Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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