John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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