Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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