Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
