My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
