i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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