Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
