Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
