That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm really busy with my period
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