Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
