Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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