should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
