You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
