If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
