Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
