Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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