this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
