pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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