I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
this hospital has no fireball
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
