We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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