Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
