she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
