she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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