Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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