She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
