The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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