No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
