She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
