Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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