all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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