i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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