I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
