By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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