Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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