Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
