Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
