some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
