hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
