Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
