Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
