Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
