you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
