On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
