in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
