I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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