Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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