Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
