He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
