So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
