Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
