I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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