Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
